Unraveling Devotion: Distinguishing Love from Codependence

Mirabai's devotion to Krishna was absolute, yet it never required her self-annihilation. She did not disappear into Krishna; she became more fully herself through the relationship. This is the crucial distinction. Codependence feels like devotion—the same intensity, the same focus, the same willingness to sacrifice. But codependence diminishes the self while promising salvation. It requires you to change, accommodate, enable, and erase yourself in service to the other person's wholeness. True devotion, even passionate devotion, preserves and enlarges your own being. Ask: Does this love make me more alive or less? Do I feel seen and honored, or do I have to hide myself? Am I becoming more authentic, or more performed? Mirabai's poetry remained her own—wild, honest, uncensored—even in devotion. Her love did not require her silence. When your love requires your smallness, it is not love; it is bondage. The examined heart can tell the difference.