Kleshas: Five Root Causes of Relationship Suffering

Patanjali identifies five kleshas (afflictions or obscurations): ignorance, egoism, attachment, aversion, and fear of death. These operate together as the psychological machinery generating attachment dysfunction. Ignorance means not understanding your own psychology or your partner's; egoism creates defensiveness and entitlement; attachment generates clinging and possessiveness; aversion produces rejection and withdrawal; fear of death (existential anxiety) drives desperate grasping for permanence through another person. In adult relationships, these kleshas interweave: you cling to your partner (attachment) because you're unconscious of your worth (ignorance), you demand they never change (egoism), you withdraw when threatened (aversion), and you panic when they assert independence (death anxiety). Patanjali's genius is identifying that addressing one klisha weakens all five. By cultivating self-knowledge (reducing ignorance), practicing non-reactivity (loosening aversion), and developing equanimity toward impermanence (addressing death anxiety), you interrupt the entire attachment machinery. This framework moves beyond individual symptoms toward the root causes underlying relational suffering.