Forgetting Self in the Other

One of Rabia's most profound teachings was the annihilation of self-will in devotion to the Divine. Adapted for caregiving, this means temporarily releasing your own needs and plans to enter the child's world with full presence. When playing with a toddler, "forgetting self in the other" means abandoning the mental list of tasks and becoming absorbed in the child's discovery of sand, water, or blocks. This creates space for language to emerge naturally, because the child feels genuinely met. Setting boundaries becomes easier from this state: a caregiver who has truly set aside their ego can say "no" without anger or need to assert dominance—just as a protective parent sets limits from love, not defensiveness. In peer play, children who have experienced this quality of attention from caregivers are more capable of genuine empathy toward other children. They learn to follow peers' leads, to listen, to compromise. Language becomes a tool for authentic connection rather than control.