The short answer
Leading a faith community puts you in a one-way flow of giving. You've learned to function without being held — but that's a learned habit, not a requirement of the role. The fix is small and deliberate: name one person outside your community and ask them to meet you regularly, just for you.
You carry everyone's weight, and you do it well. But research on clergy and ministry points to something consistent: the people in care-giving roles — pastors, priests, chaplains — often have the hardest time receiving the same support they give. It's not weakness. It's what the role trains you to do. Over time, that one-way flow wears you down in ways that are hard to name until they're hard to ignore. If this is feeling heavy in ways that go beyond tiredness, talking to a counselor or therapist outside your community is worth considering.
Marcus Aurelius put it plainly: do what belongs to you, and let other things be. What belongs to you right now is not just the care you give — it's the care you need. That's not a contradiction of your role. It's what keeps you able to fill it. You're allowed to draw a boundary around your own wellbeing the same way you'd counsel anyone else to do.
This week, identify one person — a peer, a spiritual director, a trusted friend outside your congregation — who has no need of you. Reach out and say plainly: I need someone in my corner. Ask for a regular check-in, even once a month. You don't need to explain everything. Just start the conversation and let it be about you for once.