LibraryPatternsStep Into Your AuthorityI either defer to whoever's in charge or quietly rebe…
Problem

I either defer to whoever's in charge or quietly rebel against them, and I can't tell which is running me.

Part of the pattern: Step Into Your Authority
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Related problems
Among more senior leaders I shrink — I defer, I stay quiet, I do not claim my seat at the table even when I have earned it. My authority that is solid with my own team evaporates the moment I am the junior one in the room.Delegation requires giving away authority along with the task. The task I can give away. The authority that goes with it I cannot release. The result is delegation without authority — which does not actually work.Every time I exercise authority I feel like the bad guy even when what I am doing is right and necessary.From the outside I present authority clearly. Inside I am frequently uncertain about whether I am the right person for this role, whether the decisions are right, whether the direction is correct.I act as though being in charge means always having the answer, so I bluff or deflect rather than say I do not know. Pretending to a certainty I do not have is exhausting, and my team can tell when I am winging it.I am the one who ends meetings. If someone else tries to close the meeting I experience a mild but real discomfort. The small ritual of ending the meeting is about authority.

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