LibraryPatternsLeadershipI hold everyone's confidences and conflicts, sit alon…
Problem

I hold everyone's confidences and conflicts, sit alone in the middle of every hard decision, and have no one to process it with.

Part of the pattern: Leadership
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Related problems
As a supervisor I'm supposed to hold my team through secondary trauma while carrying my own, and there's no one holding me.I absorb difficult things from above — pressure, criticism, ambiguity — and deliver a buffered version to my team. The team is protected and underprepared for the reality of the environment they are working in.I am excellent at managing my relationship with senior leadership. I am much worse at the actual management of my team. I have been rewarded for the wrong skill.I avoid committing to a clear vision or direction because, once stated, it could turn out wrong. So I keep things open and reactive, and my team feels the absence — they are working hard with no sense of where any of it is going.I avoid giving my people stretching assignments because if they fail, it reflects on me and I would have to manage the fallout. So I keep them safe and small, and I am quietly capping the growth of the very people I am meant to develop.I avoid making decisions unilaterally by pulling everyone in and waiting for consensus that never comes.

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