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Aurelius · Work & Leadership
Knowledge + Guidance

Why do I keep saying yes when people skip their manager?

Someone walks past their manager and comes straight to you. You say yes. It feels efficient. It feels like help. It is neither. It is a small vote against the structure you built, cast by your own hand. This will keep happening as long as it works. Every yes teaches the team where real power sits — and it isn't with the manager you appointed. You can't blame people for going around a door you keep holding open. The fix isn't a policy memo. It's a habit you break the next time someone comes to you with a request that isn't yours to answer.

◆ How this problem reads on the two dials
GuidanceKnowledge
More coaching
A little to learn
1:1 with AureliusWith others (a Pod)
Some one-to-one
Practise with peers
The core problem is a habit of yielding, not a lack of knowing what to do — coaching does most of the work here.
How the two dials adapt to you →
What’s really going on

You say yes because it feels fast, kind, and safe. It is none of those things. Each yes tells the room the manager doesn't matter. Stop answering the request. Send the person back to their manager. Then tell the manager what happened, in front of everyone if you must.

🔒 What you’ll build togetherUnlock by starting
A moveNext time someone skips their manager, ask: 'Have you asked [manager] this yet?' Then stop talking.
A moveRedirect the request in writing so the manager sees it too, not just the requester.
A moveTell the manager immediately when someone goes around them — don't let them find out later.
A moveRefuse to decide anything inside another person's role, even when you're certain you're right.
A moveBefore every yes, ask yourself: whose authority am I spending right now?
PractiseSend It Back · a Pod of 4 · 30 min

What changes unlock by starting

  • Requests start going to the right manager first, without you enforcing it every time.
  • Your managers make more decisions on their own, because they trust you won't override them.
  • You spend less time as the bottleneck for decisions that were never yours to make.
  • The team stops testing you to find out where authority actually lives.

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